RITUAL OF WILD : Living Artifact

RITUAL OF WILD

“And perhaps that’s the most fitting way to begin a study of ritual: not by defining it, but by letting it reshape the one who seeks it.”

Volume I
The Search

Part I
The Living Journal
Entries
Dreams
Motherhood

Questions

Part II
The Study
Psychology
Anthropology
Neuroscience
Spiritual Traditions
Nature
Symbols

Part III
Experiments
Family Rituals
Daily Practices
Photography as Ritual
Seasons
Grief
Celebration

Part IV
Emerging Philosophy
What is Ritual?
What is Wild?
What is Transformation?
What does it mean to remember?

Notice that none of this requires you to know where you’re going. It simply requires you to stay curious.

Why these symbols? Why now? What relationship am I building with them? Hearts and circles.

What are the practices that help human beings remember how to belong… to themselves, to one another, to the Earth, and to the mystery of being alive?

Questions like:

• What makes something a ritual instead of a habit?
• Why did I instinctively go to the river after losing Stella?
• What did that place know that I didn’t?
• Why do humans need witnesses?
• Why does beauty seem to make grief more bearable?
• Can photographs become rituals?
• Why do children naturally create ritual through repetition?
• What is the difference between control and ceremony?
• What have modern women lost that ritual once offered?
• What is “wild” asking me to remember?

Listening to Dermot – grieving Juniper, 1 yr in 3 days.

You call arrows to fall short
Because the snow is at our feet
And when embraces subside, and the lilies have died
It comes down to her tears on a sheet

But it’s alright because
You cause lanterns to light
And force demons disperse
And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears
Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you
And release me now, kinda like dreams do
And I see you now, was hard to see you
Just don’t forget to sing
Remember everything

And you’re the only little girl I know who’d bring a kite in the snow
Said, “You just gonna hold it up?”
Said, “Nah, I’m gonna let it go”
And when your heart hurts, days like today are the antidote
If you think just maybe it’s her
Then promise me, young man, you’re gonna let her know

You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah

It’ll all be better in the morning
‘Cause while you sleep, I’ll build a wall
Pick a weapon up or something
We’re ’bout to have ourselves a brawl
In dead of night, one window open
He heard her singing down the hall
Singing ’bout him, least he was hoping
She left her listener enthralled, woo, ooh

Community circle at the garden? protection

Am I sacred of the energy that may arrive?

You call arrows to fall short
Because the snow is at our feet
And when embraces subside, and the lilies have died
It comes down to her tears on a sheet

But it’s alright because
You cause lanterns to light
And force demons disperse
And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears
Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you
And release me now, kinda like dreams do
And I see you now, was hard to see you
Just don’t forget to sing
Remember everything

And you’re the only little girl I know who’d bring a kite in the snow
Said, “You just gonna hold it up?”
Said, “Nah, I’m gonna let it go”
And when your heart hurts, days like today are the antidote
If you think just maybe it’s her
Then promise me, young man, you’re gonna let her know

You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah
You won’t go lonely, yeah

It’ll all be better in the morning
‘Cause while you sleep, I’ll build a wall
Pick a weapon up or something
We’re ’bout to have ourselves a brawl
In dead of night, one window open
He heard her singing down the hall
Singing ’bout him, least he was hoping
She left her listener enthralled, woo, ooh

Lyrics

When love was found
I kept my hope just like I’d hoped to
Then sang to the sea for feelings deep blue
And coming down
And we’ve had problems that we’ve grown through
But I bet you dream of what you could do

At seventeen, I was alright
Was like nothin’ I could feel inside
And wishing you were here tonight is like holding on
But I still get to see your face, right?
And that’s like nothing they can take, right?
So there won’t be no feeling in the firelight, hoping this’ll be right
Time to show your worth, child

I remember when her heart broke over stubborn shit
That’s no way to be living kid
The angel of death is ruthless
And I’m always thinking summertime with the bikes out
Pushing our luck, getting wiped out
Days with nothing but laughing loud
Underneath my coat, won’t you tap my shoulder, hold my hand
Nights with nothing but dark in there
You could be my armor then
Island smiles and cardigans
The nights that we’ve been drinking in
We’re here to help you kill all of this hurt that you’ve been harboring
Confessions should be better planned
Alone, that night, I’m surely damned
Run away, I’ll understand
What’s important is this evening I will not forget
Purple, blue, orange, red
These colors of feeling 
Give me love, I’ll put my heart in it
And I think about it all the time
Lights went out, you were fine
You kinda struggle not to shine

I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I’m home
Keep the evenings long
Crack and break and part ways
I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I’m home
Keep the evenings long
Let’s not crack and break and part ways
And I wonder if I could let her down

It’s for real, it’s for real
It’s for real, it’s for real

Sunday, July 5th

the feeling of Justin Biebers song Hallelujah – this is what i MEAN by Ritual – gratitude expressed – through creativity – through ceremony – an open invitation to CREATE in response to injustice, to frustration, to the surrender of, – a return to simple sacred rituals, take a walk Hallelujah, brush my teeth Halleljah – to be able to choose happiness and presence, dispite the hardship – its beautful – now we ciricle back – having a ritual to help you circle back to giving thanks, to acknowledging, and TODAY is a movement day –

I have a breakthrough in about being present and giving thanks – this is what breaks the cycle. this choice right here is how we reach for peace – we circle back – we give thanks – we level up and lighten up – trama repsonses, fear, aniexty, by letting go of the past. Ready to be brave and lean into the discomfort of the transition.

Good morning, caught us dancing in the sunrise
Baby’s crawling on the floor
And we don’t have to go to Mississippi
Bring the river to your side
Baby, we find love in these moments
We don’t even have to try
I could sing a song but the words just wouldn’t do
So I said hallelujah, hallelujah, baby
Uh
Let’s take a walk, hallelujah
Sun is out, hallelujah
I’m kissin’ you, hallelujah
Dream of you, hallelujah
Look at you, hallelujah
I’m lovin’ you, hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Remember times I was stranded all alone
Feelin’ left out to dry
Now we circle back with tears in our eyes
Singing, hallelujah, hallelujah, baby
Somehow I could reach across your mind
I would pull out all the hurt
I tried to write this song but my words just wouldn’t do
So I said hallelujah, hallelujah, baby
I’m kissin’ you, hallelujah
Dream of you, hallelujah
Look at you, hallelujah
I’m lovin’ you, hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Mom and Dad, hallelujah
Hailey, babe, hallelujah
Baby Jack, hallelujah
Oscar, Piggy, hallelujah
Brand new day, hallelujah
Brush my teeth, hallelujah
Take a swim, hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Go outside, hallelujah
It’s beautiful, hallelujah
It’s rainin’ hallelujah
Breathe the air, hallelujah
I’m singin’ like hallelujah
Dancin’ like hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
+
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah
Everything hallelujah

I am thinking I should “practice” first intrdoction in ten years, I have done a really good job of hiding behind the camera and my business. I have been busy becoming so many different versions of myself that its a little wild to process without talking about it or sharing my WHY. behing ritual.

The Metamorphosis

the beginning – getting married (a big transforamtion), then 1 month later finding out we are pregnant, losing crawfish, having a closing of the bones ceremony, finding out Juniper had cancer, going through IVF, running a business, Grant changing jobs into 2 major carreer opportunity

the middle – diving into all ritual and ceremony books I could find, seeking, releasing, recieving new information, that I was chosing to consume as a more trusted and aligned mindset.

the now – stepping outwardly into this new idenity – embracing it in the unknown area, trying to see what direction I want to take somehing that I know willl so impactful on my life.

I would like to document my journey – for my future self, and for my son. as a small ritual to make meaning and mark time.

I am. thinking – what does ritual mean to me – documenting my process this time, in order to process the whirlwind over the last 2 years, strarting to emerge – ritual to me is the creativity expression of graditude

gratitude expressed – through creativity – through ceremony – an open invitation to CREATE in response to injustice, to frustration, to the surrender of, – a return to simple sacred rituals, take a walk Hallelujah, brush my teeth Halleljah – to be able to choose happiness and presence, dispite the hardship – its beautful – now we ciricle back – having a ritual to help you circle back to giving thanks, to acknowledging, and TODAY is a movement day –

Put in love, put in hours, put in ceremony
As I was, how you were, what was there before me

to both be heartbroken together is a life experience worth having – to back to one another is scary – to come back to ourselves is scary- to dream big can a scary, thrilling, soul crushing and joy like you’ve never known- all at once.

The ritual of wild is my own container and or attempt at making meaning of all of this. of galvanizing the pain into how we show up and see the world and the blessings right in front of us – one aspect of that is treating life like a ceremony, having rituals like weddings, to remind us have sacred it all is Hallelujah

this is a weird side thought that is happening in my head about being an identical twin- I learned that identical twins means one egg -split in two – so Amie is living a paralleell life to me, so what are the odds that my soul dog is also a twin, I had no idea she was until about 2 years later and we prompting went to meet her mom and twin sister. It was a surreal experience – now Tully is out there living this parallel life – I want to see Tully again and feel it would help me feel closer to Juniper. A small ceromony to honor her energy.